1. You have some (big) hair issues. This isn’t your fault. You are a product of your times and location. Perhaps your best/worst (if not biggest) hair was when you dressed up as Cyndi Lauper—in a line-up that otherwise consisted of Madonnas—for the excruciating talent show at the utter debacle that was 4-H Summer Camp. Remember how you’d screwed up your contacts and the if-not-mean, then-certainly-not-nice girls of your cabin advised you not to wear your glasses on stage, because it ruined the effect of the black cross-hatching over your rainbow eye shadow?